How Emotional Detachment ‘Makes It Better’

Think back at a time when you totally knew you were getting something you wanted. How did you feel? Grateful? Happy? At peace?

How do you feel when you dont get what you want? Anxious? Upset? Angry? Even jealous or envious of someone else?

In ancient China, there was a farmer who lived on a ranch with his teenage son. They were poor, even amongst the most modest standards. One day a wild horse came onto their land and started grazing. Back then if you owned a horse you were considered wealthy. And, if a wild horse came on your land, you could legally claim it as your own.

Excited about the horse, the young boy could hardly contain himself. But the father put his hand on the boy’s shoulder and said, “Who knows what’s good or bad.”

The next day the horse escaped back into the mountains, and the boy was heart broken. “Who knows what’s good or bad,” the father said, with the same emotional detachment he had shown the day before.

On the third day the horse returned with a dozen other horses. The boy could hardly believe his good fortune. “We’re rich!” the boy shouted.

And the father replied, “Who knows what’s good or bad.”

On the fourth day the boy was thrown off one of the horses, breaking his leg. The boy cried, complaining about his miserable fate. The father wiped the boy’s brow, looked deeply into his son’s eyes and said, “My dear son, who knows what’s good or bad.”

On the fifth day, the province went to war. Army recruiters came through the town and took all the young men, except the one with the broken leg.

Often, what seems like misfortune, failure or adversity is actually a necessary part of the journey to fulfill our ultimate desires, usually in an unexpected way.

With a limited perspective, it’s pretty much impossible to know what lies down the path of our lives. Even on a daily basis. We think we know what we want. The mistake is when we expect things to happen in a certain way and we’re attached to a certain outcome or a certain process.

Life is what happens when we’re busy making plans.

I never quite understood [faith] when I was younger. It seemed so counter-intuitive to give up that kind of [control] and attachment and blindly have ‘faith’.

“You just have to believe and have faith.” Ever hear that one? I use to hate it when people would say that to me. I understood that belief or faith fueled passion for perseverance, but it didn’t make it any easier to have faith!

What I have learned though, is to let go. Let go of attachment. Things always work out. That is, if you give it time to see the broader perspective and look for the lesson. When you release the emotional charge that comes with attachment, you open yourself to your desired intention or something that may even be better.

As Steve Jobs said, “You can only connect the dots looking backwards.”

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